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Monday, February 9, 2015

Michelle

This past week, the Obamas visited Saudi Arabia.  During the visit, Michelle Obama didn't wear a head scarf.  In the receiving line, the Saudi Arabian men refused to shake her hand.  Some even refused to look at her.

Where is the liberal outrage?  Why aren't they burning bras and screaming from the rooftops about the terrible, backward misogynist way in which she was treated?

Huh?  Where is it?  All I heard about it was "cricket, cricket."  Or, some people actually criticized her for not wearing the scarf.

Can you believe that?

The reason this is making me nuts is the inconsistency, again, of liberals.

I applaud her for not wearing the head scarf.  I have never understood why strong, successful, female American journalists degrade themselves by wearing the scarf.  Aren't they elite, liberal feminists?

It is so easy, it is so clear.  Why do liberals get it wrong AGAIN?

All American women from elite liberal feminists to non-elite conservative rednecks should stand up and applaud our First Lady not subjecting herself to the Sharia-law dictated scarf.

All American women should also be mortified at the way that Michelle was treated.  Again, where is the liberal outrage?  Why aren't they decrying this treatment?  If Micke Huckabee treated Michelle Obama that way, you would never hear the end of it.

I just don't get it, do you?

Why don't liberals make any sense at all?

Why do liberals always have to go and mess up my Super Bowl?

Last year, Michelle Obama inexplicably butted into the puppy bowl, forever ruining that cherished institution.

This year, one of the very first ads ads in the Super Bowl between the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots had a not-at-all subtle jab at
 the Boston Tea Party!

I was all snuggled up in my Hobbit slippers with my kitten, Kitten-kitten, and we had just finished tearing up over all of the over patriotism.  I mean who doesn't cry when they hear "America the Beautiful," see the colors presented by our military and hear our national anthem?

Then, we get slammed with this:

An ad showing the Boston Tea Party, in which our forefathers, patriots, protested taxation without representation.  It's ok, I already have a tissue.

The British ask if the colonists will stop fighting if they can FILE THEIR TAX RETURNS FOR FREE.

They don't get to stop the unfair taxation without representation.  They have to keep paying taxes.  Of course!  We all have to pay our fair share, not wanting to pay taxes is UN-American, right?  But, we can FILE for free.

Crap.

They even show Washington crossing the Delaware and he BACKS UP.

Hey, I am a Doritos-loving, beef-eating, middle-American patriot, ok?  I get light-hearted humor and I can laugh at clever puns.

But, it isn't funny, because all of this is actually happening.  We have actually villianized people who don't want to pay more in taxes.  We are demonizing patriotism and all of the things that make this country great.

Hey, liberals, leave my Super Bowl alone, ok?

Isn't Lilithfair still going on?  And, Harvard is still there.  You have your forum, I have mine.

Only Carrie Underwood, patriots (and Seahawks) are allowed at this party.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Super Bowl ads

What is the point of showing all of the Super Bowl ads before the Super Bowl?  Have you even seen any of the pre-Super Bowl ads with all of the deflate-gate kerfuffle?

Anyway, there is an ad for Carl's Jr new "all natural" burger.  The clever ad has the beautiful American model, Charlotte McKinney, walking through a farmers' market.  It appears as though she is completely "natural."  Hilarity ensues throughout the market with some strategically placed produce.  She is, however, wearing a skimpy bikini and she chows down on the natural burger at the end of the commercial.

Fox News' popular show "The Five" had a very serious analysis of the commercial.  Greg Gutfeld and Eric Boling needed to see the clip again in order to comment.

Kimberly Guilfoyle said, "I want that burger!" I love KG.

Here is my perspective on the whole thing.

I am American.  I love America, football, burgers, free speech and the fact that I can wear whatever I want.

Ok?

My problem is the inconsistency of liberal ideology that is prevalent in our country.

Is the ad objectifying women?  Or is the woman liberated?  Which is the proper, PC, liberal view?  I honestly don't know.

If McKinney were in an Islamic country, she would be beaten, stoned, raped and/or mutilated for her clothes.  And, wouldn't she be in major trouble for eating the burger?  But, liberals are all ok with the Islamic treatment of women, right?  Liberals are ok with women being mutilated, beaten, raped, stoned in the name of Islam, right?

I have trouble keeping track.

Enjoy the ad and all of our freedoms, ok?

I am going to have a burger.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Real enemies

On a recent, riveting episode of Duck Dynasty, the Robertson family participated in an outhouse race.

They actually put an outhouse on wheels and raced it down the street.  Yes, freedom breeds all sorts of interesting pastimes.

The arch-nemesis of the Robertson clan, Phil McMillan, also competed in the race.  And, he won.  Afterwards, they all shook hands, prayed together and had a big ole cookout.

See, the Robertsons and even Phil McMillan understand who their real enemies are.  But, for some reason people in our country are getting all confused about it.

Remember when I told you about the concentration camp survivor?  (Visit the blog). When she saw that American soldier coming toward her, she knew that she was saved, rescued, liberated.  The soldier with an American flag on his uniform was not the enemy, he was her savior.

The movie "American Sniper" is still in the news and numerous clean-cut, American soldiers have been interviewed in support of the film.

If I was in trouble, I am positive that I know who I would want to save me - an American soldier.  Think for a minute, would you want Chris Kyle to be walking toward you in full gear or Michael Moore?

How does a woman in the Middle East who has just been raped, beaten and tortured probably feel when she sees an American soldier walking toward her?  Or an orphaned child?  Or anyone, for that matter?

The American public voted for freedom, limited government and conservative values last November.  They are voting again, with their wallets at the theater.  And, the message is loud and clear - the American soldier is the good guy.

Not Michael Moore.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Baby, it's cold outside!

About a year ago, Secretary of State John Kerry gave a speech in Jakarta, Indonesia.  During the speech he mocked people who don't believe in global warming.  Isn't that nice?  No more logical, reasoned debate.  Anyone who doesn't believe in global warming is a "flat earth" idiot.

Have any of you been outside lately?  Has anyone noticed that it is really cold out there?  And, last winter was the coldest, snowiest winter EVER.  Remember those global warming scientists who set out to prove global warming and got stuck in the ice for a week?

Global warming hasn't been proven, at all.  That is why the have started calling it "climate change."  Sometimes, it is really cold.  Last year, they called it a "polar vortex."

Snort.

One year ago, Kerry described global warming as the apocalypse and actually said that the threat of global warming is worse than the threat of terrorism.  A year has passed, the Middle East have devolved into chaos and Islamic terrorists are savagely murdering innocent people faster than a redneck can field dress a white tailed deer.

Inexplicably, Obama repeated this same idiocy in last week's state of the union snore-fest.

Really?

And, what exactly, is the government supposed to do about the weather?  Honestly, does taxing the American middle class into oblivion really make the planet more stable?  Does government intervention REALLY have an impact on global weather patterns?  News flash: people in France are warm and cozy in their nuclear powered homes.  China is building coal fired power plants faster than Obama can close them down.

How does regulating the American energy supply and increasing the cost to ordinary Americans impact, in any way, global weather?

If anyone can answer these questions, please let me know.

Meanwhile, while the left demonizes progress, let's think back to how things were, just a little over 100 years ago.

People went everywhere by horse.  This was before Ford invented the car, (1905 ish) and before MacAdam invented, well, macadam (around 1910) streets were made of mud and horse poo.  Just think of all that mud and horse poo on shoes and the bottoms of pant legs and dresses.

Yuck.  Think of all the disease spread around everywhere.

Ok, here is another one, people used to burn coal in their homes.  I know, my house in the hood has a coal chute.  Think of all the coal fumes and black ickiness that people breathed in every day!  When the technology for electricity to be produced at coal fired plants came around, wasn't that better than people breathing in all of those coal fumes all the time?

Well, I think that we have things a whole lot better now than we did then.  Horse poo and coal breathing deaths have dropped dramatically.  Currently, our environment is so clean that bacteria has had to adjust to survive.

What is my point?

We have advanced in the past 100 years.  The climate hasn't changed in 18 years.  If you insist that it has, fine.  I won't call you names.  (Although, I am pretty sure that I was called a bad name and am offended).  Any minuscule change in the past 100 years has been caused by THE SUN.  Changes in weather based on man made activity is minuscule, at best.  Overwhelmingly, the effects of man made change have been positive.  Technology, efficiency, ingenuity and invention have helped the world.

Should we get rid of the sun? Or progress?  Hey, I know let's get rid of excessive taxation and the burden that regulation is putting on American energy.

How about that?  Nothing that we do will change the weather, but we could make American families warmer and at a lower cost.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

An open letter to John Boehner and Mitch McConnell

John, love the tan.

Mitch, I am pretty sure there is a surgery that can fix that.

Listen, guys, it isn't that hard.  Conservatives have a message of personal responsibility and limited government.  I know that it doesn't sound exactly like the democrat message, "free puppies for everyone!"  But, surely you can make it sound more palatable than you do.

Here are my tips, and I won't even charge you (even though I pay you a handsome salary.)

If you have a 30 second spot, say this:

"In America, we will always take care of those people who are unable to take care of themselves.  However, taxing the rich doesn't work.  Has it worked for the past 6 years?  Every additional tax dollar is a dollar that comes out of the pocket of an AMERICAN and goes into the pocket of a WASHINGTON BUREAUCRAT.  Is that what you really want?  These taxes hurt small businesses, the backbone of our economy, who can't grow and hire new people.

Lowering taxes gets the economy moving (cue emotionally happy music) small businesses can hire more people and provide more goods and services for our economy.  When Reagan came into office and slashed Jimmy Carter's punitive tax rates (see how we are drawing parallels there, boys?) the economy flourished, even government revenues increased."

Guys, almost all of my friends are liberal.  You gotta figure out a way to say this stuff without sounding like, well, you.  ALL of my liberals friends that I have talked to are fed up with the president.  Even ones that want liberal ideas, like free stuff for poor people, can see that they can't afford to pay anymore.  So, if you get a few more seconds for your soundbite, say this:

"Raising taxes hurts everyone.  Can you honestly pay anymore in taxes?  We need to stop talking about raising taxes and talk about meaningful tax cuts so that America can get back to work.  That helps everyone.  In 1996 when we reformed welfare, millions of people found jobs.  Propping someone up in comfortable, government-run poverty locks them in.  Legislating higher wages hurts the working poor.  They not only don't get a raise, they lose their jobs.  Why would you even listen to someone who wants to give you the minimum?  This is America!  Work hard and you can achieve the maximum!  We are not the party that wants people to have the least, we want people to get the most.  And, we can do that if we cut taxes, roll back Obama's job-strangling regulation, get the EPA out of the energy-killing business and repeal Obamacare which has achieved nothing short of destroying the greatest healthcare system the world has ever known."

When you get ripped apart by the press, channel that "I-am-gracious" smile and keep repeating the same points.

Ok?

Got it?

You can see many more helpful tips on my blog.

Seriously, guys, get out there and sell this.

Sheesh.