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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

I think I finally figured out what is going on in Russia

You may have noticed that I haven't said anything about Russia invading the Ukraine - yet.

I have been reading everything that I can find, I even looked at a map.  There was the huge green blob that is Russia and a tiny pink blob right next to it that is the Ukraine.

Big green blob, little pink blob.  What is the deal?

Then, I finally figured it out - 18 pipelines run through the Ukraine.  Russia wants control of those pipelines and Putin is going to take over the Ukraine to get it.

Immediately I thought of liberals screaming, "No war for oil!"  Because somehow (see previous post, "Eat Vegan, Make Peace") liberals actually believe that freezing in their house while eating a piece of celery makes the world a better place.  They actually believe that having an electric car (still need to power electricity plants, people) makes the world a better place.

It doesn't.  iPhone 5s make the world a better place.  News flash - most liberals freezing in their houses, eating celery, have iPhones glued to their hands.

And, whether they want to believe it or not, people will attack other people to get oil.  (Even though it is icky.)

Here is the solution and it won't affect a single stalk of celery, so eat up:

1. Open the Keystone pipeline - this will put us on the path to energy independence, this will reduce Russia's exports, reduce their wealth and reduce their military capabilities.

See how easy that was?  And, it didn't break up even one Ivy league pot party.

2.  Next, we need to open up federal lands for drilling.

3.  Finally, we need to frack the heck out of this place.  It is a little teeny hole, it is environmentally safe, it will help us to use the mother lode of energy we have right here.

See?  No more "war for oil!"  Liberals, keep on smoking, we will keep the heat on.  And, when we unleash the power of our natural resources, we will make the world a safer place.